He did what?

Luke never had much interest in riding toys. We worked and worked when he was a toddler just to do the simplest riding toy. Pedaling has been of no interest to him. And I know he needs to learn. It's time. It's past time. But teaching a child to pedal? I just don't know where to begin. And I also end up with an aching back every time we try. And it's been so hot and humid. But I'd been saying we'd really work on it this fall.

Every two weeks when Luke's class completes a unit, Ms. Jenny posts pictures to a website. Luke LOVES looking at the photos from school. Last night he was so excited to find new pictures. As I scanned the thumbnails I thought I saw a very strange image. I told Luke to click on the picture. My jaw dropped when the photo enlarged.

I said, "Luke, did you ride a tricycle at school?" He said, "yes" like it was absolutely no big deal.

I still wasn't convinced, thinking maybe he was just sitting on it for the photo. So I asked Jenny at pick up today and she said yes indeed he did. I explained this had never happened at home and how totally uninterested he was in it. She had no idea this was the first time he'd done it.

She also told me he'd tried tried chocolate milk and "slop" they made with pudding, chocolate chips, cheerios, and I don't know what else. She had asked me about these two snacks earlier in the week and if they were okay for Luke. I told her there was no way he try them and he likely would gag looking at the milk.

So there you go. Shows what I know.

mad face, yoga, and a bad choice

What have we been up to the past few weeks? I had to look through my photos to remember.

Luke had fun playing with the timer on the camera. A big change from Christmas when he was terrified of it.

He posed us in front of the unmade bed and had us make mad faces.

We are so intimidating aren't we? Lamar is the only one that looks remotely mad. Luke can't hide his smile and apparently I don't know the difference in a mad face and a fish face. It might pass for a "mad fish face".

And we are loving our new Wii fit. I didn't realize how many good balance and coordination games there are for Wii. So good for Luke.


A little leg lift action

And school picture day. I had no idea what he would agree to wear, since the Sunday before picture day he refused to wear buttons to church. Laying on the floor crying about wearing a shirt with buttons. Since Lamar had never worn a polo until he met me, I immediately looked at him with an accusing eye. He said, "I've said nothing to him about buttons. I promise." And that Sunday he wore a t-shirt.

So I'd been building up picture day as something special and let him select a shirt from his church clothes. And he was definite that he wanted to wear this one.




And I bet he squinted in his school picture too, but we'll still love it. So after I got this one quick shot before we headed to school on picture day, Luke needed me to photograph some of his yoga poses he's learned from Wii Fit:



Half moon

The "Wario", known to most as the warrior. I guess "the Wario" is where Wii fit meets Mario brothers.

And his personal favorite, the tree.

Something was so funny at dinner the other night.

I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard. I don't remember what made him laugh but it was something so small and silly. But watching him laugh completely cracked me up.

***

I've gotten a couple of funny emails from Luke's teacher Ms. Jenny. One day they were painting pictures of their families. They painted their moms first and Jenny asked, "Oh Luke, is that your mom?" He said, "Yes, I call her Mommy but you call her Amy." Then after they painted their dads he said, "Ms. Jenny, this is my dad but you call him Lamar."

The same day one of his classmates had just had a birthday and was now five. Luke announced to the class he was "almost five." We'd talked about it once or twice that he'd be five on his next birthday, but I didn't know if he even understood.

And last week Luke's teacher sent me this language sample during a 10 minute center. In case you haven't had the joy of speech therapy and language samples (lucky you), a language sample is just recording all the lanuage he uses in a designated time period (10 minutes here) with no prompting or adults guiding his language with questions. So, I realize this will be pretty boring for most of you, but it's pretty amazing to me.

Ms. Jenny look at the pirates (After this comment I totally moved out of the center and just sat back and took notes. All the rest of the comments below were directed to his friends without any adult prompting or facilitation. Oh and might I add that he had great eye contact during the majority these exchanges as well:) )

HeyOh No (his pirate fell overboard)

Wow, look at his feet (one had a peg leg)

Turn around and look (to one of his friends who had not responded to his request above)

Where did his shoe go?

I’m sorry (another friends pirate fell overboard)

Ahh I fell off – splash

I saw a shark

David let’s go

Be careful pirates

Let’s get that pirate

Ok here (in response to a friend asking for a specific pirate)

Ok let’s get the barn

Here’s the tractor

I want to be the rooster

Hi (his rooster talking to his friends cow)

What are you doing? (once again the rooster asking the cow)

There’s another sheep in here

I got the animals (friend asked where the animals were)

Ready everybody come in here

Hey cow

Tell the sheep to come in the barn.

Oh no

I’m in the barn

Let’s get in the tractor everyone

The sheep wants to come too.

Press the green button

3-2-1 go

Where’s the rooster

Oh thanks here he is

Look, look, look I found two roosters

It’s clean up time

I’ll get the tractor

***

Luke still had a hard time with reading comprehension. Or maybe I should say listening comprehension. When we read a story it's hard for him to answer questions about it. And this has been especially hard with Bible stories. I'm not sure why. Maybe the stories are more abstract and the illustrations are not the same in any two Bibles or Sunday school materials so he doesn't have many visual clues. The other night we were reading about Adam and Eve. Luke looked at a picture of them with the fruit and said, "What did they do with that apple?" (For the record it was drawn as an unidentifiable fruit, but looked more like an apple than any other fruit. Sorry for my need to qualify that.) and I said, "They ate the fruit God told them not to eat. They made a bad choice." Luke's heard a lot about making bad choices lately and he asked many questions about it.

The next day at lunch Luke said completely out of the blue, "What did Adam and Eve do with that apple?" I answered accordingly and he said, "They made a bad choice. Not a good choice. A bad choice." So we have now subtitled the Adam and Eve story as "The First Bad Choice."

August 16, 2007

In many ways, this post has been in the making for about two years. And I certainly don't feel equipped to put all my thoughts into words right now. But the need to write it just keeps gnawing at me. So here's my feeble attempt.

I remember what Luke was wearing--a Janie and Jack outfit I bought on consignment from my neighbor at the time. Little orange plaid shorts and a orange t-shirt. Clothes are tied to lots of my memories. But I have no idea what I had on.

It was our second trip in a two weeks to psychologist's office. My most distinct memory of our first visit was the bathroom. The changing table was so nice and big, even for an above average size 2 1/2 year old. I enjoyed it for about 30 seconds until I realized children much older than 2 1/2 needed this changing area. And though I never really voiced the words in my mind, I wondered if we would be one of those families.

I remember Luke was obsessed with a signing video at the time. And he LOVED to watch himself do signs in the mirror as he worked through his repertoire from the video. He stood in front of the mirror wall (There should not be mirrors in psychologists office. They are way too enticing. Hidden cameras please!) and performed for himself with gusto. And the psychologist asked what percentage of his day he spent signing. I knew that question was a bad sign.

During the testing I clearly remember Luke playing with a remote control car, just like one we had at home, fiddling with the buttons on the remote. The doctor blew up a balloon and let it go. Luke never even looked up. I knew that was a real bad sign.

I remember Luke took a Thomas and Percy toy with him. Not that he played with them or any toy much, but he enjoyed it some when we would play with him. I remember I took peanut butter crackers for him to snack on during the long time we were there. My mental photograph of Luke sitting at the table, eating the peanut butter crackers, with Thomas and Percy covered in crumbs, as we sat waiting for a doctor to return and give us a verdict, is vivid.

I remember when the psychologist said, "in children with autism we see . . . and I do think he has autism . . . " I have no idea what the rest of the sentence was.

But by far my clearest memory is the doctor asking us if we had other children. When we said we didn't she asked us if we planned to have other children. This was literally five minutes after giving her diagnosis. And I could not find words. And I can always find some words. I think I stuttered through asking about the likelihood of having another child with autism. And she told us about several studies looking at the genetics and if we did have another child we should consider participating. The timing of that request was less than perfect.

We left with a packet of papers. We had no plan, but a list of phone numbers to call. I clearly remember my call the next day to my TEIS coordinator. I remember she mentioned the letters ABA. And while I had no idea what that entailed, I knew enough to say, "Yes, definitely we need that."

After calling the grandparents and putting Luke down for a nap, I remember daring to answer the phone, though I really didn't want to talk to anyone. And I remember the relief I felt when I heard my friend Katherine's voice. It was the beginning of the sisterhood I share with other mothers who have walked in my shoes.

Just a few days later we left for a long planned trip to the beach. I spent much of the week observing other children there, trying to find a child that reminded me of Luke, searching for another child who couldn't handle the beach for more than 15 minutes and only then if he was in constant motion. After days of looking for some confirmation that he was, dare I say, normal, I'd found none. As we packed to leave I resolved that this diagnosis, this label, this word, must be somewhat correct. Because Luke was so very different. I'd known that for a long time, but acceptance takes a while. And we no more time to waste.

I know time and experience have shaped how I remember that day. And I wanted to record just a little piece of it before the memories change even more. And I'm sharing it on the blog because it's my outlet.

I think most parents have a moment where they really fear for at least a moment that their child might have seriously hurt themselves. A toddler falls and doesn't quickly bounce back up, or a feverish lethargic baby in the middle of the night. And there is a moment when it feels like your heart just might stop. And thankfully that fear quickly passes when you hear a cry or the morning brings baby smiles and coos.

At the risk of sounding overly dramatic (who me?!), after August 16, 2007, that scary moment of worry for my child never ended. Over time it changed and with progress, healing, and the grace of God, I no longer fear that my child with never have a conversation with me or be potty-trained. But will he ever be able to live alone? Or will he get a PhD? Or will get a PhD but not able to live alone?

His future is no more uncertain than any child's. It's just very evident to me how uncertain the future is. So while my friends tell me they pray for the person their children will marry, I pray that today I will be the parent Luke needs. Because looking past today is just very overwhelming. I'm full of hope, but have no expectations.

If you made it through this post, thanks for humoring me and reading my ramblings. Next post I'll be back talking about the Wii and crazy things Luke said at school. I know you're excited.